Respectful behaviour is not about looking up and worshipping someone; it is about behaving in civilised manner and treating someone with respect. While the saying ” respect needs to be earned” holds some truth, not respecting a person is not the same as being disrespectful, or rude, towards a person. While societal norms have changed over the years, some values remain, or ought to, in my opinion.
Take for instance, my recent experience at a conference. It was a small gathering in a hotel, with a speaker up at the front. The attendees at the adjacent table, obviously had other things on their minds as they spent the entire session chit chatting amongst themselves, loud enough for me to hear. Not only was it disruptive for me, and whoever else who was trying to learn something from the speaker, it was also rude and disrespectful to the speaker. The irony was, they were seated near the door. They could have gone out to chit chat.
Another instance is being respectful of another’s expertise. While we may be experts in our professional fields, it is important to acknowledge our limitations when it comes to areas beyond our expertise. This is especially true when it comes to matters concerning technology and social media. It is quite common for people to question prices quoted by website designers, saying that ” it’s easy to do, just drag and drop” . Yet, when asked if they could do it themselves, they admit to not being able to do so. Unlike many developed countries where salaries and fees are based on the work , and the workers are appreciated for the work they do, there are Malaysians who feel that salaries and fees should be based on academic qualifications. As such, these people do not feel that those working as plumbers, bricklayers, and the likes should be paid high salaries. Yet, when our bathrooms are clogged and overflowing, we are utterly miserable, and we are not always able to rectify the problem ourselves. Similarly, we are quick to condemn when buildings and walls are not built to our specifications, yet we are unwilling to acknowledge or pay for these expertise.
A new field that has emerged is that of social media, be it blogs, website designs, and website hosting. Over the years, more people, societies, and companies have set up websites as a means of reaching out to people, be it to create awareness, impart information, or sell products. A good website is designed such that it is pleasing to the eye, easy to navigate, and comes up at the top when the keywords are used. While a lot of new website designs are relatively easy to produce in that it doesn’t require coding, it still requires skills and knowledge. Trust me, I have tried. My medical degree and Masters in my specialisation does not make me an expert in web design. Actually, my specialist qualification doesn’t make me an expert in antenatal care or neurosurgery or any surgical field, actually. As such, I have engaged someone ( my nephew, actually ) to design my website ( coming soon! if I can actually get my thoughts together ) and will be paying him the market rate for his expertise. No discount ? No harga kasih sayang ? Nope. The boy has to eat . Supporting our children’s or friends’ endeavours includes paying them accordingly. Accepting and paying market rate is acknowledging and respecting their expertise. While negotiating with him on behalf of another organisation, he mentioned that a price reduction was possible, but he would then remove certain things from the website. These may not be required by that organisation in the first place, but if we were to just look at the price and not delve deeper into the details. how do we appreciate the effort that was put into designing the website ?
How does this translate into child care and development ? Children learn through observation. If they see their parents talking or playing on their phones while someone is talking, or speaking rudely to an elder or a peer, they will do the same. Parents who do not educate their children against shouting at adults or demanding rather requesting for things may be raising entitled children who are disrespectful to both their peers as well as superiors and elders. Similarly, if we, as parents, insult and talk down about our children’s teachers in their presence, they too will not respect their teachers. Another common scenario is looking down at certain professions. This view will be shared by our children, leading to loss of respect for these professions. Money should not be the yardstick by which we measure success. Neither should the brand of car, size of house, or postcode. More emphasis should be placed on how one behaves and carries oneself, and how respectful one is to others. Physical appearance should be aching of the past. All too often I get criticised for my appearance ( tudung senget being the most common complaint by my aunt followed by a lack of make up). While I take it in my stride and laugh it off, I must emphasise that my not using make up or not making sure my tudung is well placed does not in any way diminish my knowledge and skills in managing children and their health issues. I just prefer to spend my morning playing the piano or watching tv while having breakfast, or making a nice breakfast , usually poached eggs with avocado on toast for my husband and I. Nothing against make up, just my personal preference. Maybe I will change , since I am also vain and not too keen on looking dishevelled and old.
